Hiya,

Sorry I've not been on, got an injury and a whore on crutches isn't the sexiest thing, then I felt a bit too fat to be charging between £45 and £200 per hour so I never bothered working ... therefore I had no guilty concience so there was little point blogging!

Anyway, the Fish had tried to book me for today - but unfortunately I only got the message today so he's gone elsewhere for his kicks (hope it's the golf course!) and I've been in contact with another guy who can only be described as a filthy pervert and I'm really quite looking forward to meeting him at the end of the month, but other than that it's just been people who live near me (horror of horrors - NO WAY!) and time wasters ... so here's a stolen survey!

What is your greatest fear? CLOWNS AND CHAINSAWS

What is your earliest memory? MY MUM TRYING TO FEED ME AS MY DAD GOT RESTLESS WANTING TO PLAY WITH ME - I MUST HAVE BEEN LESS THAN A YEAR OLD AND MY PARENTS WERE STILL KIDS THEMSELVES!

Aside from property what is the most expensive thing you bought? EITHER A HOLIDAY TO CANADA OR A CAR ... THAT IS UNTIL I GET MY MOTORBIKE IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS!!!

What would your super power be? I'D BE ABLE TO HALT TIME SO I COULD FIT EVERYTHING I NEED TO DO IN!

If you could edit your past, what would you change? I WOULDN'T IT MADE ME WHO I AM

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant it? OF COURSE

What is the closest you've come to death? DUNNO - PHYSICALLY I SUPPOSE WHEN I ALMOST DROWNED AS A KID, NEAR MISS WISE I GUESS THE TIME I LANDED MY CAR IN A TREE TOP

How would you like to be remembered? AS A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL, A PERSON OF GOOD COMMON SENSE, A SUCESSFUL AUTHOR AND AS SOMEONE WHO MAKES OTHERS PROUD TO BE BRITISH!

What is the most important lesson life has taught you to date? THINGS REALLY DO HAPPEN FOR A REASON AND FEW THINGS ARE NEARLY AS BAD AS THEY SEEM AT FIRST.