You are a rude, ignorant prick. It really is no wonder your wife doesn't want to shag you and you have to pay women just to get a look at a nice pair of tits. I wouldn't let you book me if you were the last punter on Earth and the repo-men were breaking down my door.

Do you honestly think I'd ensconce myself in a hotel room with a man who is so pushy and demanding before even meeting me? I have other men falling over themselves with politeness and compliments, I have never met a man so arrogant and rude as you, you really do think you are God.

Well let me tell you Colin the Celtic supporter you may be offering to pay for my services, but I am the one with the skills, I am the one who can say "no" and that's exactly what I am saying now!

Good grief you'd probably try and attack me physically if you are so bolshy in your emails - unless of course like all bullies you'd just cower and submit when cornered! I'm guessing you are a sad, pathetic little time-waster sat behind your computer with your pants round your ankles, you probably don't even have a wife, but if you do my God I pity her!

So my dear Colin Bhoy, no I will not be sending you any pictures other than the normal marketing shots everyone gets and everyone until now has been happy with. Nor will I ever be meeting you or giving you any kind of service what-so-ever, and you'd better hope we don't ever accidently meet because you are exactly the type of bloke that if I do meet I get angry with, I don't like bullies, I don't like wife-beaters (and I bet you are) and I most certainly don't like bolshy little know it all pricks who are usually middle-management, "look at me, everyone said I'd never make it" little toss-pots and when Soapy Suzie comes across them she avoids them and when Andrea Martin comes across them she humiliates them.

You have been warned, so leave me alone and crawl off back under your slimy little stone and if you are serious about paying for sex find some poor streetwalker from Aberdeen's harbour who needs the money so badly she'll put up with your arrogance and obvious inferiority complex!

Of course what I actually wrote was "no you can't have any more pictures, go away and buy a magazine and please don't waste any more of my time" - oh dear sometimes it almost hurts to be all Britishly polite!